Tuesday, July 12, 2011


When we are making changes in our lives or pursuing a more expansive way of life through increased success and wealth, we're bound to have people in our lives who get uncomfortable with this and resistance can come up strong. To make it easier on yourself, realize that your loved ones are contending with their own fears and limitations, just as you do with yours. Bless them. Praise them. Affirm that they experience something that turns them on to their own power and abilities. Carve out a space for yourself that no one but you has access to - a place where you know, with utter conviction, that you are undaunted, limitless, and unstoppable. Do it anyway. Prove yourself to yourself. Don't wait for support and applause. There are countless reasons why someone may not respond with joy to your changes, progress or success. Some reasons might be: 1) they're afraid you'll change so much that you won't be compatible anymore. 2) They're uncomfortable with change because it's scary and uproots established norms and habits. 3) Your action/success could reveal a deficit in their own life in this realm. 4) The tendency to complain will be compromised when things go well, and some of us really love to complain. 5) It might challenge their notions that certain things can't be done, shouldn't be done, that it has to be a struggle, that we don't get/aren't allowed to live the lives meant for us (and the lives meant for us entail great health, success, wealth, joy, love and connection to others); that it's somehow dangerous or unethical or frightening to accomplish our dreams and achieve our goals. 6) They may fear you won't need them anymore, or even like them. 7) It might challenge beliefs they have had since childhood that are so woven into them that they feel these beliefs are their identity - and who would they be without them? Possibly someone they don't recognize and that can be disconcerting and discombobulating.
So in the face of these (and a myriad of other possibilities I haven't mentioned), my suggestions to you are:
Persist. Press on. Believe. Keep faith. Keep sweet. Keep cool. Insist. Don't fear upsetting the balance. Some people may see your choices as an affront to them and their lives. Remember: it's your life, not theirs. If you feel discouraged, know that your manifestations are all happening underground, developing on the invisible plane. You are loved, guided, and protected by powerful, unseen forces who will never abandon you. If you have moments or days when you're not getting what you need from human sources, be aware of the unseen grace and love that is always with you, supporting you.
For wise counsel on navigating your relationships while pursuing your life purpose, I highly recommend the book Wishcraft by Barbara Sher.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Life Travels

I read a book called Practical Intuition by Laura Day. She asks you to come up with three major questions you have about your life and then has you write short "stories" about an object in front of you or something from your imagination. You wind up answering your questions with these stories, not knowing that you were answering them. The stories reveal details and answers that you never would have gotten to without your intuition handing them over to you. I was amazed by the answers I received, especially to this question: How can I travel to all the places I want to go? Without knowing what question I was answering, she had asked me to picture an image in my mind. I pictured mint ice cream in a waffle cone. Then things got interesting.
My "story": The cone looks beautiful and I don't want it to start melting but I don't want to eat it. It's fresh and refreshing and makes me feel good. It's in a light-filled parlor in Northern California's Gold Country. The place smells wonderful, like coffee and childhood, and it comforts and pleases me. It makes me feel nostalgic and homesick because it's so beautiful here and I can't understand why its beauty and pleasure make me ache. I don't know what I am homesick for but I don't necessarily feel that I belong in this place of beauty, like I can't get enough of it, can't handle its goodness or I don't feel "included" in it. I'm experiencing it but outside of it somehow. It's heart-achy and I love it, but I want it to feel only good, without the bitter in the sweetness. Originally, this place felt simple and sweet to me, but the longer I am here, I am overwhelmed by a sense of longing and a desire to feel continuously satisfied, like I deserve to feel satisfied without fear of it ending or me becoming sad. I initially felt that there was something delightful for me to partake in and experience but it turned into a feeling of dread, being unable to take in all this joy.
The revelation: I was writing about travels, but without knowing it, I was writing about my attitude toward life - the entire experience of traveling through life. It makes me feel good, I don't want it to "melt" (disappear/end), and yet I don't want to eat (partake in?) it. Fear. Fear of fully taking in and experiencing life. It's nice to look at but not a good idea to eat up or take in for fear that it will be gone. I realized I am afraid to take in life and experience it fully because if I do, then it will be over and gone. I had no idea that I feared death to this degree and that it had been preventing me from living my ideal life. The emotional logic being that if I sit on the sidelines, I can slow it down and cheat death. And more, if I live the life I love and am meant to live, death will be more sad, painful  and unbearable than if I remained in mediocrity. Staying in the safety zones would make me feel like I wasn't missing much if I died. The loss of my life would be easier because I wouldn't mourn the loss of the greatness of a life I never allowed myself to live.
Whenever I consider the point of life, I always think about people that I love and vacations we've taken together. I think about the closeness and unity that grows while laying poolside or on a beach, singing songs around a campfire, discovering new places and people, playing games and sitting together for hours over a leisurely dinner. We're all on this journey of life, as though a vacation. Part of life's profundity is this awareness that we are going to die. Built into our experience and conception is an inescapable knowledge that it ends. This induces fear in us, but also endows life with an urgency and poignancy. This knowledge is not an accident. It's part of the plan and purpose.  I think post-vacation blues hit us because they mirror our existential dilemma. Post-vacation blues are a mini-version of this anxiety: vacations end, we reason, and so will life.
To me, life is that light-filled parlor in Northern California. It smells wonderful. Life smells wonderful. This parlor is all the places I ever have been or will ever go in my life. California is where I came to realize my dreams, that ideal life that scares me. It's in gold country, because this earth is rich and we were all designed to come here and prosper, and revel in it.  I get homesick when I remember my essence - an eternal being having a finite experience on earth. I get nostalgic for all the times I have felt and continue to feel a communion and connection with all the beautiful people in my life, at home or abroad. I'd like to eat the ice cream now. I do belong in this place of beauty. I have a feeling I can handle the goodness. I am designed for it. I ache with recognition - how beautiful to be alive! Regardless of the bitter, how sweet to be alive!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Don't Let This Happen To You

"Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death." - Auntie Mame

"Most people die with their music still in them." - Oliver Wendell Holmes

"In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. Great works of art have no more affecting lesson for us than this. They teach us to abide by our spontaneous impression with good-humored inflexibility then most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side. Else, to-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I'm seeing a theme here. These are just a few quotes I think about a lot as instructions of what not to do. I don't claim to understand what God has in mind for us people but I do know that it has something to do with love: love for ourselves, love for the people in our lives, love for what we do, love for what we create, and love for what we experience. And I'm pretty sure it's also something to do with enjoying the miracle of the human experience. These quotes are not a doomsday oracle or an inevitability but rather a way to remind and urge us to create and live the life we want now. To me, this means reading, listening, learning, exploring, asking a lot of questions, petitioning the universe, setting goals, taking inspired action, and learning to enjoy fear as a glorious reminder of the fact that we're alive and that our hearts are beating. 
I've developed a theory that when we die, we get a chance to review our lives on our way into heaven. A shade is raised and we suddenly see all that we could have done, all that we were meant to enjoy. We see how our fears and doubts, embarrassments and hesitations got in the way of saying what we wanted to, risking what we wanted to, becoming who we most wanted to be. And we see that the fears and doubts were illusions. We are confronted by our own missed opportunities to exercise our inherent freedom, power and limitlessness. We momentarily wince in regret at the forsaken boldness and beauty we were meant to express in our lifetime.
Begin now, today, to see yourself as this free, powerful, limitless being that you undoubtedly are. Consider yourself: your longings, desires, and dreams - and know that these are your road map to the life you are meant to live. If you find yourself a little irritated by this proposition or confused about how to do this, my entries to come will offer many suggestions for instruction from me and those I've been learning from.

Thursday, May 19, 2011


It's taken me a long time to get to a point where I no longer feel guilty, greedy, or silly for wanting wealth. Here are some reasons why I've made it essential to be on my way to total wealth and financial freedom now:
So I can feel great about myself. So I never have to worry about buying toothpaste or a new pair of jeans. So I can buy presents for loved ones and send them on time and not get anxiety about it. So that I can donate to organizations that improve people's lives and that offer me spiritual inspiration. So that I can free myself once and for all of a poverty/lack mentality and demonstrate to myself that all that I want to be true is true. So I can prove to myself that I am powerful and capable of providing for myself and creating life as I like it. Because I believe in the importance of my physical environments and so I can create enriching, inspired, inspiring and lavish surroundings for myself which support my desire to create. So I can do whatever I want whenever I want wherever I want. So I can feel free and open in the world. So my family and friends won't worry about me. Because if creating wealth is as easy as creating poverty, why wouldn't I choose the first? Because God did not create me and the earth and all resources for me to live in a shack and subsist on beans (unless I want to for fun).  Because I want to partake in the lush bounty of life in all ways: physical, material, emotional, creative, spiritual, and mental. Because as long as I'm living life, why not live the best life, the finest life, the most exalted life? Because I have seen others obtain wealth and understand that whatever it was in them that garnered it exists in me, too. Because I want to dedicate my thought-time to the beautiful, the new, the elevating patterns of life, not to worrying about finances. Because I know I already have within me anything that could produce wealth and I will continue to uncover how the value I offer as an artist and creator translates into financial wealth for me and value to the marketplace. Because I know the talent, gifts and material in me exist now and only require being directed into the right channels in order for them to be received by others; that the joy this brings me is inside me and can be transmuted into actual dollars that go to support, sustain, and enrich me. Because I want a house (three, actually) and I want to travel and I want to feel great and look great and be great. Because I have distinct desires and I know they are a blueprint for how I am meant to live my life and what I am to do. Because God created my heart and my desires for their fulfillment. Because why not? If all is possible to she who believes, why not? Because it's easy to acquire wealth. Because money comes easily to me as support for the beautiful work I was born to do. Because I recognize and am grateful for all the ways I already am rich. Because wealth adds a fluidity, ease, and grace to my whole life and I am allowed this. May you prosper and become as wealthy as me, or more.

Thursday, April 28, 2011


Two years ago, I read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. This book was my gateway drug into the seedy underworld of self-help. One day, I'm reading about affirmations and how powerful my thoughts are and the next thing I know, I'm literally talking to angels, drinking "solar water" from blue glass bottles to reconnect with my "inner child," using terms like "inner child" (which evokes images of an angry, feral girl in a dirty linen dress who is not very happy with me), believing people who write about being channels for the Divine, poking myself in the chest while looking in the mirror and enthusiastically shouting "I win!," tapping on my face to release old energy/negative patterns, sitting in the Silence for at least 10 minutes a day... and this barely scratches the surface of changes I've made and techniques I have tried. I truly appreciate all the people I have read and the insights they have offered and I apologize for all the times I have yelled at them in my mind and out loud because it wasn't clicking for me or because I disagreed with them and didn't think that was allowed or because they contradicted themselves or each other and all I wanted were some simple truths that I could hang my hat on and coast through life with. A vast majority of these writers say that whatever we believe becomes the truth for us in the conditions and experiences of our lives. With this as my premise, I will put forth my Belief Proclamation and I encourage you to create your own - making it from scratch or flat out stealing from any person you like or admire and anything they have ever done or said or written that you want to be true for you and your life.

Belief Proclamation
1. Everything I love comes easily to me now, including beautiful & helpful people, love, profuse money, creative expression, my perfect body & health, and my right work.
2. Life is absurdly and delightfully simple and easy.
3. Everything is constantly getting better and it's really easy to mark my progress. 
4. Laughing and having fun are the most important objectives today and every day.
5. Only doing what I want to do makes everybody really happy.
6. When people say "You can't do that," what they really mean is "Isn't it great that we're all so powerful, capable, and free?"
7. Spending time in beautiful  natural settings and listening to beautiful pieces of music over and over can be 2 of the most important things I do to contribute to the elevation of humanity.
8. The fact that I'm on earth and breathing are enough to remind me that I deserve perfect love, joy, health, peace, prosperity, satisfaction, and a thrilling relationship with all creation. 
9. People are talking about me ... and they're saying the most wonderful things!
10. Everything is so beautiful, right and easy now; regardless of what came before, it was all worth it to be where I am now.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Different types of journals for different moods

I have always kept a journal but in the past year, I have begun keeping several different journals at once, each with their own purpose. I am one of the few people who actually appreciate receiving journals as gifts (along with stationery, candles and other "boring" gifts other people don't appreciate). I use them. I finish them. I finish them before I move onto the next one. With out further ado, the journals:

Main journal: This one is day-to-day. It includes thoughts, observations, conversations I've had recently, dream descriptions if I remember them, my feelings, my actual opinions and honest assessments. This is the place I can let it all out - the good, the bad and the ugly. I regret to say that even in this sacred space, I don't always really let myself go. It's not so much fear that someone will read what I have written, more that I myself feel the need to censor what I write because I fear it is "inappropriate" (my least favorite word in the language) or unacceptable - to myself! If you keep a journal or are thinking of starting one, I encourage you to completely love and accept yourself and allow yourself to write any f***ing thing you please, fearlessly. I promise to work on doing this, too.

Question/answer journal: I read an ungodly number of self-help,-growth,-development, -what-have-you books. If you stick around and continue reading my blog, you may reap the benefits of receiving condensed versions of these books and what they mean to impart without having to actually read them. The Q&A notebook is to field the questions  that inevitably come up in myself while reading or questions that the authors encourage me to ask myself. Questions like: Do I worry about the details of life? and Do I give myself the mental space to create a firm foundation? I use the notebook to explore what I think and feel about particular aspects of my life. I like the structure it provides and I find that I can be more candid and bypass a lot of my internal censors when I write this way because it's kind if like playing therapist with myself. I'm just "neutrally" asking questions so it's "safe" to answer however I want. 

Affirmations journal: Arbitrarily, I use steno notebooks for my affirmations journals. I write in these journals whenever I read or hear affirmations in books and audios that make me feel good. I also write my goals in them in present tense. Anything that I want to be true, I put into this journal in present tense. It can be related to work, creativity, realtionships, spirituality, money, or anything that I just reall really really want to be, do, and have. Affirmations (so far) have been the most powerful asset to my life in the self-growth realm. I have used them to great effect and have seen changes in my life that I directly attribute to using affirmations.

Gratitude journal: This is a pretty Italian journal that I keep next to my bed. Every night (I have found that doing it every night consistently is easier than being half-assed about it and doing it only when I'm in the mood) I write at least 5 things to be grateful for - usually a lot more. Five is the minimum and sometimes, 5 is plenty. Some nights, I'm really creative and detailed (Cara Cara oranges and the delicious Gardenia-smelling blooms on the back patio) and some nights I'm more bland (drinking water and food in the cupboards). I can write whatever I want as long as I do it every night and put down at least 5 items. Gratitude generates love and good feelings and there's a rumor going around that these are desirable . 

Goals journal: Of all the self-development books and audios I have consumed, many of them insisted that I pull it together and set myself some goals. I awkwardly flopped around the whole goal situation for at least a year when Brian Tracy, a real go-getter to say the least, shook me by the self-help lapels and now has me writing down at least 10 goals a day. These are special goals: written in first person, present tense, with dates for achievement (aka deadlines) and in the case of money, the specific amount is written in the goal. Variations on this abound - sometimes I include the words "easily and effortlessly." Whatever it takes to emotionalize it, make it feel real, and most importantly, to make it feel authentic to me. An addendum to the goals can be action steps for achieving these goals - simple daily tasks that will move me in the direction of what I want to accomplish. Don't get overwhelmed by this. I will definitely be exploring this topic further because it has been a bone I have been gnawing on for quite some time: action vs. allowing, and the contradiction between being 100% responsible for ourselves, our lives, our choices, and the conditions of our lives but being asked to relinquish the how to the universe. This is a tricky area that I am still navigating and will revisit in these posts for sure.

List journal: This is more of a practical notebook where I keep lists of anything I'd like to experience or own. Here's a list of the lists in my list journal now: 1)Body/beauty/health: these are salons and spas I'd like to visit, massage therapists and acupuncturists to try, health practices I'd like to try like panchakarma and energy tuning, any vitamins, health and beauty products I'd like, and questions to ask my doc for each appointment. 2)Clothing/shoes/accessories - self-explanatory; all the things I'd like to have in this department. 3)Home/possessions - a list of all furniture, art work, dishes, linens, candles, etc. that I would like in addition to repairs and updates to make (tune the piano, reupholster the couch, etc.) 5) Gift ideas for family members and friends - anything they mention or that you see and think they'd like. 6) Books to borrow from the library. This list is the longest in my notebook. 7) Books to own. These are books that I go back to time and again for knowledge, comfort, and enjoyment. 7) Movies to see - old and new. 8) Albums & songs I'd like - old and new. 9) Places to visit in California. I live in Cali so this is my goal list for seeing as many sights in this fair state as possible - ranging from rugged camping trips to a luxurious stay at Big Sur's Post Ranch Inn for a long weekend. 10) Trips domestic and abroad - all the towns, cities, and states I'd like to visit in the US and all the places I'd like to go around the world. 
These are the main, consistent lists. In the back, I may have temporary lists of to-dos (finish a quilt I started last year, finish the sweater I started knitting 6 years ago that's almost done and is taking up too much brain energy not to finish). Oh, and I started a new list of current financial goals/necessities list and then (this one is super-fun), an ideal financial goals/necessities list. The latter is so fun because that's the one where I start considering how much poool maintenance will cost monthly and how much it will be to buy a 4-person suana for my future backyard. 

Scrapbook dream/ideal joural: This a series of images taken from magazines or anywhere that I would like to attract into my life. This is also where I wrote down 100 things I'd like to be, 100 thinkgs I'd like to do, and 100 things I'd like to have. It's also where I have written a few ideal scenes - my life in the not-so-distant future exactly as I want it to be. 

Any questions?  

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The first day of my blogging life

Welcome. I have decided, after 23 years of journal writing to stop being so secretive and solitary with my writing. It may take a while for the purpose of this blog to emerge but a preview of topics to come include: self growth, the great outdoors, folklore, children's books, poetry, and the purpose of why we're even here. I'm feeling timid about blasting this out into the web so give me a few days to break in my voice. Thanks for reading.